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Seeking Light vs Heat in Couples Communication

Posted by

Patrick Griffin


April 28, 2019

Blog Post Topic:

Tender moments call for intentional patterns of communicating. Let's look at these three steps to better seek to respond rather than react.

Step 1:

Breathe. Bring all your attention to the soles of your feet to ground yourself.

Step 2:

The second intentional pattern of communicating is Mindful listening: Be present to your partner and “listen under” the words. What is your partner really trying to communicate?

Step 3:

The third intentional pattern of communicating is Mindful speech: choose your words intentionally. More “I” statements and fewer “you” statements. This sets the tone for responsibility rather than blame.


When is the right time to seek couples therapy?
Sooner rather than later. Most concerns begin as small, seemingly low grade concerns. But, like a low grade fever, they can escalate and quickly become sizable blocks in the relationship. Seeking couples therapy early can help resolve an issue while it’s a still a small issue requiring a small adjustment.

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